Even In Death
by SilverNightHowler
Summary: Koan and Himiko are faced with an obstacle they cannot win. How will Koan live without Himiko? warning:yuri don't read if you don't like death


**Hello everyone!! I was feeling really sad when I wrote this. Don't worry it's a oneshot. Disclaimer :I don't own Kannazuki No miko if I did, it would still be going!!! The song and title is "Even in death" by Evanescence!!! Enjoy!**

_How could have happened? How could fate be so cruel as to do this to me?_

I thought these words over and over as I struggled to get to the one place that brings me peace anymore. My body is weak from the lack of Mana but I push myself forward. _I have to be __there_. It's my only sanctuary the only place I don't feel so alone. As I'm getting closer to my destination I think about how I ended up like this.

_(2 months ago)_

"Koan," moaned Himiko as she clawed my back sending shivers down my spine. Her legs were wrapped deliciously around me and I couldn't help but move my hips again this time getting a louder response. I kiss her exposed neck feeling her shudder against me. I let out a groan when our hot centers meet while Himiko holds me tighter. She moans louder as our pace continues to go faster. My love lowers her head until her eyes bore into mine.

They are filled with lust and love it makes me even more aroused. I kiss her hard loving how sweet her lips are. I groan as our tongues fight for dominance. We break off for air our bodies covered in sweat. I decided to end her misery by moving my hips faster and faster knowing she was so close. Her body tensed and she screamed out my name into the darkness.

I bit into her shoulder as the orgasm ripped through my body, she just held me tighter against her. After a while I laid Himiko down on the bed looking at her beautiful figure. Everything is perfect. She was made for me… just for me.

"Koan," she whispered touching my cheek.

"Yeah," I answered holding perfection itself in my arms.

"I love you" she said her face flushed. I chuckled even after we make love she still blushes when she tells me that.

"I love you too Himiko," I kissed her forehead and pulled her closer to me. Now that I have her I can't ever afford to let her go.

_(Present)_

I'm so close but my legs refuse to take another step. I collapsed on the floor from exhaustion but I won't stop. I cannot stop when I'm so close. I look up at the sky and see that it's going to rain. The gray clouds block the sun from me as if mocking me even more.

Then it starts.

The rain is calm and even soothes my hurt soul because I know that once the rain is over my sun will come back to me. This new hope gives me strength to stand up. I mustn't give up. _She needs me._

_(1 month ago)_

I was holding as still as I could watching Himiko draw me. Her face was deep in concentration and determination which I always enjoyed seeing. She looked up from her sketchbook and our eyes met. Her smile made my heart leap with joy.

I love that smile more than anything in the world. The world could be ending but as long as Himiko is smiling my world is fine. She closed her sketchbook indicating that we were going to take a much needed break. Sitting like that for 3 hours straight can take its toll. I stand up to stretch my tense muscles and walked up to my lover.

I was about to kiss her when she suddenly had a violent cough attack. She turned away from me as the cough shook her core. That's when I noticed it.

There was blood on her hand that had just covered her mouth.

"Koan don't worry everythi-" she tried to assure me but suddenly another attack came upon her.I took no chances as I picked her up and ran to find the nearest doctor.

_(A few hours later)_

"How long have you had these coughs?"asked the doctor. He was listening to Himiko's lungs with the stethoscope. His face showed there wasn't any good news.

"T-two years," whispered Himiko not meeting my gaze. _Two years?? How was she able to hide it from me for so long? Why didn't she tell me before?_

"I didn't think it was anything serious. I-I didn't want people worrying about me if it was nothing," she said now meeting my worried eyes. _You didn't want to worry me. Don't you understand Himiko that I will always worry about you? You are my everything. _The doctor came in to break the news to me. Then life as I knew it shattered into millions of broken pieces.

_(Present_)

I remember the doctor's exact words. _Advanced case of tuberculosis. Himiko doesn't have much time… _That night I cried in my lover's arms. Himiko was comforting me as the sobs wracked through my body. Here she was given the bad news and she was comforting me.

It should have been the other way around. Yet my sun shined the brightest that night and her warmth calmed me my numb soul. After hearing the horrid news I stopped taking Mana from Himiko. I felt sick every time she offered herself to me.

_(3 weeks ago)_

"Koan please," she begged.

"No."

"You're getting weaker Koan. I can tell it has been a week already since you've had any," she pointed out.

"So what if I can't bring out my vessel Himiko it is useless now I don't need to fight anymore remember."

She laid in bed defeated. My angel couldn't walk on her own yet she still wanted to take care of me. Her once radiant skin now pale and sickly. Her amethyst eyes… the eyes I fell in love with was dulling everyday to my horror. She didn't have much time left and I wanted to take her out just once more.

"Where are we going?" she asked weakly but enjoying being blindfolded.

"Don't worry Himiko you'll like it I promise," I answered pushing her in the wheelchair. My plan is perfect and I'm excited. I am taking her to the beach where she had tolf me her full name. We originally lived by that beach but once she had taken a turn for the worse the cold beach air wasn't healthy for her. Fortunately it was a beautiful warm sunny day. I knew she would enjoy seeing the sun set from the place we first became intimate.

"We are here Himiko," I whispered in her ear and she quickly took off the blindfold. The look on her face told me that I had made the right decision.

"Oh Koan … oh its beautiful. Thank You," she said tears streaming down her face. I picked her up from the wheelchair and held her there as we watched the glorious sun setting sending brilliant colors in the sky. Himiko looked at me our face inches away from one another. I leaned in and gave her a slow kiss after making sure I wasn't going to take any of her precious life force. _How I love these soft lips touching my own. _She pulled me closer and whispered sweet nothings in my ear. I couldn't help but shed a few tears hearing her say these things. _What did I do to deserve her? Why did fate do this to us?_

_(Present)_

With the last ounce of energy left I had finally arrived. Looking at _it _made my heart heavy and light. I was near the one I love yet I could never see that wonderful smile again. I looked up at the sky and it had stopped raining.

I could see the bright light of the moon and couldn't help but break down as I remember the last time I got to hold my love.

_(Last week)_

"Koan," Himiko said weakly. She reached for my hand and I felt a lump in my throat.

"Hey Koan its ok… don't cry my love you know I can't stand to see you cry."

"Don't leave me alone Himiko. It's not fair," I begged. I would have given anything for her to be better. But here I was an absolute angel able to destroy the world but useless to protect what is dear to me.

"I will never leave you Koan because I'll always be here," touching where my heart is. I knew I had told her these words before yet it didn't stop my heart from aching. Angry tears threaten to fall my face. Before there was always a chance of us being together but not this time. Once she's gone she isn't coming back. A cough snapped me out of my thoughts. Her body shakes violently as blood poured out of her lips.

"I'm sorry Koan I know I must be a burden for you."

"No Himiko you can never be a burden but my blessing." Another cough attack came as quick as the one before. "You're the reason I don't feel alone in this world. You taught me that there is more to life than taking orders and fighting. I love you Himiko." Tears were streaming down my angel's face.

"I love you too Koan. I'll always love you as the sun loves the moon's shine.I don't regret anything that I've done in this life because I ended up with you. You are the best thing that's ever happen to me, I only wish I could have done everything we planned. Remember how we were going to travel the world and see many beautiful places together."

All I could do was nod my head as I could feel her slipping from me.

"Koan can you do me a favor?" More tears were flowing as her grip was getting weaker.

"Anything Himiko."

"Can we visit the beach again? We can get all dressed up and spend the whole day there. Just you and me. We'll enjoy the warmth of the sun and then the beauty of the moon. It'll be perfect… yes one last time.."

I saw the light in her eyes leave her as she was imaging her perfect day. My body went numb as I closed her soulless eyes. It felt as if some force clenched my heart and had ripped it out. Nothing could ever compare to the pain than what I felt that night. I creid for hours holding her body close to me hoping by some miracle she was breathing and I had been mistaken.

_(Present)_

**(Give me a reason to believe that you're gone  
I see your shadow, so I know they're all wrong**

**Moonlight on the soft brown earth  
It leads me to where you lay  
They took you away from me but now I'm taking you home)  
**

Just today I decided to spend the whole day at the beach. My body was drained of Mana and I knew I could not afford to lose another day. But I am at the place that helps me continue to live every day. I laid on the floor the cool grass soft on my cheek. With little energy left I lifted my head to read the words that were engraved

"A loving friend, comrade and angel.

You will be missed dearly.

The moon weeps until it is able to join its sun"

**(I will stay forever here with you, my love  
The softly spoken words you gave me  
Even in death, our love goes on)  
**

"I'm sorry Himiko but I can't anymore… I can't live another day without you." I said out loud hoping my angel could hear my cries.

**(Some say I'm crazy for my love, oh, my love  
But no bonds can hold me from your side, oh, my love  
They don't know you can't leave me  
They don't hear you singing to me)**

The sun was rising shining on my cold body. I closed my eyes enjoying the warmth; it almost felt like her embrace. I opened my eyes to see my love in front of me. She had such a beautiful smile as I tried to reach out for her. When she touched me all the pain I felt simply vanished into the air. I felt complete again. I knew right then that I had died, there was no way I could have been dreaming this. Himiko pulled me into her arms and I was in heaven.

"Koan I want to be mad at you for giving up but I saw how much you were suffering and I had to save you…forgive me," she whispered in my ear.

**(I will stay forever here with you, my love  
The softly spoken words you gave me  
Even in death our love goes on  
And I can't love you anymore than I do)**

"No Himiko do not apologize. Every day without you was like a day in hell." Both of us couldn't help but cry as we were together again. Himiko grabbed my hand and took me to the place that I had promised to take he. The beach was beautiful but it didn't close compare to my love. It didn't matter to me where we were as long as I was with Himiko. And that's how it should always be.

**(I will stay forever here with you, my love  
The softly spoken words you gave me  
Even in death our love goes on  
And I can't love you anymore than I do  
(People die but real love is forever)**

**XDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXDXD  
so that's it. Tell me what do you think about it? R&R would be much loved!!!**


End file.
